Posted by: Shagg | September 20, 2010

The Pink Broadcast Crew on the Oregon Trail

Yes, Oregon Trail II. One of the best “educational” games of all time and still a hilarious way to kill your friends with gold rush era diseases!

Upon being able to play it again, I set to work immediately.

After the teens the ages only go in multiples of 5, so some of them are poorly represented.
As an English major, I decided to choose one of the poorest possible occupations of journalist, woo! Surely nothing can go wrong.

(P.S. I should really try lighter wagons sometimes)

Pictured: the amount of food supplies bought before I realized I didn’t have enough oxen to haul all the other junk I had, and also only had $5. Those biscuits were traded for oxen.

I also had to dump a lot of random stuff. So just picture us unceremoniously dumping 20 pounds of celery in the middle of town.

Oh yeah, and the 10 pounds of tea are for Roahm.

INTENSE DECISION MAKING

And so the brave travelers set out onto the trail to Oregon; the trail to prosperity; the trail to a fresh new beginning-

Oh god dang it.

You know a game of Oregon Trail is going well when you immediately fall into a river and things happen. The huge wagon, I think, is more likely to tip and/or be swamped in rivers, fall on hills, break, etc. At least that’s what I’m using as an excuse.

Hunting.

Because of my EXPERTISE on the subject of Oregon Trail, I know well that the easiest way to hit things in the air or at a distance is directly above them.

Hunting is also hilarious because you can get messages like “You collected 1289 pounds of game but could only carry 179 back to the wagon.” And hunting is fun and surely, definitely, absolutely has no consequences! Right?

Upon reaching the next river I decide to approach with caution and see what the friendly NPCs think of the situation. This nice lady seems to think it isn’t that deep-

*facepalm*

Roahm:   HER FLUFF SHOULD PROTECT HER FROM THAT, THE GAME IS OBVIOUSLY GLITCHED

I think there’s been at least one time when a bad cold took several wrong turns for the worse and ended up killing someone in this game. Not this time. INCREASE FLUID INTAKE BY 200%!

Causing the extinction of buffalo is the best meat source, even if you can never carry all of it.

Oh hey, a river that’s 2 feet deep. It’s like the shallow end of the pool, right?

*FACEPALM*

Okay, who’s shoving the wagon over? Seriously which of you was it, I want answers-

Raiden. That river was two feet deep. How in the hell?

Well I guess maybe she was under the wagon or something.

But really, LEARN TO SWIM.

DO NOT MESS WITH THE TWO FOOT DEEP RIVER OR ELSE.

Shagg:TIPPED WAGON
I‘m now imagining us attempting to move the wagon over a puddle and it tipping

Roahm: XD
Eventually, we came upon a hill that I didn’t take a screenshot of. An NPC suggested anchoring the wagon and


I bet you expected more of that, huh? Give yourself a pat on the back.

I guess Kit enjoys living on the edge and rides inside the wagon whenever we do something dangerous? Or maybe it constantly crushes him? Or maybe he’s just really clumsy and the wagon has nothing to do with it. Actually come to think of it, it would be funny if things like that could happen in this game. “Shagg tripped on a rock. Shagg has taken a turn for the worse. Shagg has died.”

But who cares about that knee? It’s Independence Day!

HELL YEAH THREE CHEERS FOR SPRAINS

I don’t think this chance happening has ever caused anything bad to happen. Actually, I think sometimes they’re thieves that take stuff if you go close?

Oh boy, this means we have to get ripped off in a trade.

Yay. So now we’re down to one rifle; Presumably one was lost in… one of the many incidents above.

Oh well! A rifle is but a trifle! Ha ha ha!

Least helpful advice.

Do you truly reckon that, sir? Well let’s see how your reckoning plays out.

Nobody is surprised. But…

Apparently “various other items” means “your last rifle, also you have no meat.”

“And also, you must become nudists if you want another gun. Fight for the last set of clothing! HAHAHAHA.”

And then, surprisingly, a totally random event which had nothing to do with tipping wagons.

A passing anachronism asked Roahm if he would play Mega Man X, and Roahm promptly found the nearest rock and started bashing his head against it. See people, this is what happens.

The viewers are less than sympathetic. And terrible dressers.

Nothing needs to be said.

Hey, good job Roahm! Your drowning in a river that was no doubt shallow is justifiable due to the disorientation and dizziness resulting from a concussion. Or maybe you still wanted to escape from the Megaman X demands.

So! At this point, we needed to address the concern of having little meat. Let’s see what my travel log here says.

August 31, 1853
Terrible fog during the early part of the day. We chose to continue as usual.
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We’re going to continue as usual.
September 1, 1853
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
September 2, 1853
The dust from other wagons has gotten bad.  We decided to continue as usual.
The wagon train got caught in duststorm, and I decided to continue as usual.
September 3, 1853
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 203 pounds of meat.
September 4, 1853
Shagg died.
Whelp. There’s the biggest RNG screw you the game can throw out. So, we’re done here!
SURVIVORS: EVERYONE BUT SHAGG
A PARTIAL VICTORY HAS BEEN ACHIEVED
Below, the full saved diary:
April 30, 1853
Here begins the journal of Shagg, formerly a journalist. Tomorrow we leave Independence behind to begin our journey west to Oregon City.  We must still purchase the supplies that our Conestoga wagon will hold to sustain us during our long trek.
May 1, 1853
Decided not to buy a package deal. I can do better on my own!
Purchased 5 pairs of boots, 5 hats, 5 pairs of long underwear, 5 pairs of mittens, 5 sets of clothing, 5 winter coats, 5 winter scarves.
Purchased 5 8-oz. bottles of alum, 5 16-oz. bottles of ammonia, 175 pounds of bacon, 5 6-oz. bottles of basil, 50 5-lb. tins of biscuits, 5 16-oz. boxes of borax, 5 16-oz. bottles of brandy, 3 pounds of butter, 5 8-oz. bottles of camomile, 5 4-oz. bottles of camphor, 6 canteens, 5 16-oz. bottles of castor oil, 75 pounds of celery, 5 6-oz. bottles of cinnamon, 25 pounds of coffee beans, 2 coffee pots, 5 8-oz. jars of dandelion, 5 8-oz. boxes of Dover’s Powder, 125 5-lb. sacks of dried fruit, 125 5-lb. sacks of dried vegetables, 5 8-oz. bottles of Duffy’s Elixir, 5 12-oz. bottles of epsom salts, 1 fishing net, 1 fishing pole, 1 frying pan, 5 6-oz. bottles of ginger, 2 hunting knives, 5 4-oz. bottles of iodine, 5 16-oz. bottles of isopropyl alcohol, 5 4-oz. boxes of James Fever Powder, 2 lanterns, 5 8-oz. bottles of linseed oil, 4 6-oz. bottles of nutmeg, 5 16-oz. bottles of olive oil, 35 10-lb. sacks of onions, 4 oxen, 5 8-oz. bottles of pepper, 5 4-oz. bottles of peppermint, 3 25-lb. kegs of pickles, 1 pocket watch, 1 pot, 5 20-lb. sacks of potatoes, 8 8-oz. jars of preserves, 22 30-foot lengths of rope, 3 10-lb. sacks of salt, 50 pounds of salt pork, 5 4-oz. bottles of sarsaparilla, 5 6-oz. bottles of sassafras, 2 sets of cooking utensils, 5 sets of eating utensils, 1 skillet, 5 4-oz. bottles of spearmint, 3 10-lb. sacks of sugar, 10 pounds of tea, 5 tin cups, 5 tin plates, 5 16-oz. bottles of turpentine, 1 washboard, 7 water kegs, 5 gallon jugs of whiskey, 5 8-oz. bottles of witch hazel.
Purchased 35 boxes of 20 bullets, 30 25-lb. kegs of gunpowder, 3 rifles.
Traded 26 5-lb. tins of biscuits for 2 oxen.
We saw a small party of coyotes today, just a mile or so west of Blue River.
Fording the river looks to be our best option.
May 2, 1853
We swamped the wagon in the river and lost   1 hat; 1 pair of long underwear; 1 set of clothing; 1 winter coat; 1 8-oz. bottle of alum; and various other items.
Kit has internal injuries. We plan to make patient comfortable.
Our expectations of reaching Westport were fulfilled this day.
Purchased 2 pairs of pants, 2 shirts.
May 3, 1853
Saw New Santa Fe, sight is most reassuring.
May 5, 1853
Today we saw Lone Elm. How sublime it appears by moonlight.
May 6, 1853
There was a wedding in camp today not far from Blue Mound. A joyous occasion in the wilderness!
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 104 pounds of meat.
May 10, 1853
Today we saw Kansas River. How sublime it appears by moonlight.
Caulk the wagon and float it across, that is the way to go.
May 11, 1853
Today we have traveled 100 miles.
May 12, 1853
Passed Saint Mary’s Mission.
May 13, 1853
From our guidebook, estimated we would reach Red Vermillion River today, and sure enough, there it was!
Decided to ford the river.
We tipped the wagon and lost   1 pound of bacon; 2 5-lb. tins of biscuits; 1 16-oz. box of borax; 3 pounds of celery; 1 pound of coffee beans; and various other items.
May 14, 1853
A thick fog rolled in today. Looks like we’ll wait for conditions to improve.
May 15, 1853
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We’re going to continue as usual.
Today we saw Scott Spring. What a sight!
May 17, 1853
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
May 18, 1853
We hope for some rain to settle the dust. For the time being, we’ll continue as usual.
As expected, we made it to Alcove Spring today.
May 19, 1853
We’re nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We’ve decided to continue as usual.
Arrived at Big Blue River today.
May 21, 1853
A delay prevented us from crossing at Big Blue River. We’re going to wait our turn to cross.
Decided to caulk the wagon and float it across.
May 22, 1853
Made an early start this morning; passed St. Joseph Road Junction.
May 23, 1853
Dreadful thunderstorm today. I figured it was best to continue as usual.
May 27, 1853
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to wait for conditions to improve.
May 28, 1853
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to wait for conditions to improve.
May 29, 1853
It’s mighty hot today. We’re going to wait for conditions to improve.
June 2, 1853
Misplaced my guidebook at The Narrows today. Luckily we found it before leaving.
June 5, 1853
Pink came down with a bad cold, and I decided to increase fluid intake.
Nooned at “The Coast of Nebraska”.
June 7, 1853
A mighty severe thunderstorm came up. We’re going to continue as usual.
Arrived at Fort Kearny.
June 12, 1853
Our expectations of reaching Plum Creek were fulfilled this day.
June 18, 1853
Arrived at O’Fallon’s Bluffs, despite some “help” from Nicholas J. Tillman.
June 20, 1853
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 25 pounds of meat.
June 22, 1853
Heard news of a murder and hanging last night near South Platte River. Enough to send shivers down one’s spine.
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 213 pounds of meat.
Decided to ford the river.
June 23, 1853
Our wagon tipped over. We lost   1 pair of boots; 2 winter scarves; 1 4-oz. bottle of camphor; 1 canteen; 2 pounds of coffee beans; and various other items.
June 25, 1853
Raiden gave us a good scare by coming close to drowning. I decided to rest here awhile.
June 26, 1853
Passed the five hundred mile mark today.
June 27, 1853
We tipped the wagon and lost   1 pair of boots; 1 canteen; 1 pound of coffee beans; 1 5-lb. sack of dried fruit; 1 5-lb. sack of dried vegetables; and various other items.
Kit suffered a sprain. We’ll soak in warm epsom saltwater.
Made it to Ash Hollow.
June 28, 1853
We were inconvenienced by a serious thunderstorm. We chose to continue as usual.
July 3, 1853
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 201 pounds of meat.
Today we saw Courthouse and Jail Rocks. How sublime it appears by moonlight.
July 4, 1853
It is Independence Day and we’re going to continue.
Passed Chimney Rock about noon.
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 170 pounds of meat.
July 6, 1853
Another step on the trail; today we reached Scotts Bluff.
After much travail, we came to Mitchell Pass.
July 9, 1853
Spotted a group of strangers. We decided to continue at a distance.
For a time today we feared we were lost. We were much relieved to find ourselves at an identifiable location, Laramie River.
Caulk the wagon and float it across, that is the way to go.
Saw eagles today near Fort Laramie. What majestic creatures!
July 10, 1853
Today we drove our wagons and teams past Register Cliff.
July 12, 1853
Traded 1 rifle for 1 spare wagon axle.
July 13, 1853
One of our wagon axles broke, and I decided to trade for a replacement.
July 16, 1853
Spotted a group of strangers. We decided to continue at a distance.
July 17, 1853
Happened upon a fresh grave near Ayers Natural Bridge. A reminder of the hazards we all face on the this journey.
July 20, 1853
Encamped a while near North Platte River.
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 207 pounds of meat.
Fording the river looks to be our best option.
Enjoyed some good fiddle music today during our nooning near Mormon Ferry Trading Post.
July 21, 1853
Made it to Emigrant Gap.
Saw a mountain lion not far from Willow Springs.
July 23, 1853
Another step on the trail; today we reached Independence Rock.
Nooned near Devil’s Gate.
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 218 pounds of meat.
July 25, 1853
Felt somewhat weary today. Passed Split Rock.
July 26, 1853
Rested the animals near Three Crossings.
Arrived at Sweetwater River, despite some “help” from Nicholas J. Tillman.
Fording the river looks to be our best option.
Our wagon tipped over. We lost   1 hat; 1 pair of mittens; 1 16-oz. box of borax; 1 6-oz. bottle of cinnamon; 11 5-lb. sacks of dried fruit; and various other items.
July 28, 1853
Our expectations of reaching Ice Spring Slough were fulfilled this day.
August 1, 1853
Our wagon tipped over. We lost   1 pair of boots; 1 hat; 1 pair of long underwear; 1 set of clothing; 1 16-oz. bottle of brandy; and various other items.
Our wagon tipped over. We lost   1 pair of mittens; 1 8-oz. bottle of alum; 1 16-oz. bottle of brandy; 1 8-oz. bottle of camomile; and various other items.
August 3, 1853
Traveled past Final Sweetwater River Crossing this afternoon.
Decided to ford the river.
August 4, 1853
The wagon got stuck in the mud. Had to double-team the animals.
Enjoyed a cup of coffee with Mr. Lumare today at noon near South Pass.
Passed Pacific Springs.
August 5, 1853
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to wait for conditions to improve.
August 6, 1853
It’s mighty hot today. We’re going to wait for conditions to improve.
August 8, 1853
Rested the animals near Dry Sandy.
Traded 2 sets of clothing for 1 rifle.
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 126 pounds of meat.
August 9, 1853
We have been traveling for 100 days, today.
The mosquitoes are driving us crazy, keeping us awake at night. We must continue.
Mr. Lumare figured we would reach “Parting of the Ways” today, and he was right.
August 10, 1853
Had a bit of a run-in with another wagon party today near Haystack Butte, but we patched up our differences before nightfall.
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 79 pounds of meat.
August 13, 1853
Roahm suffered a concussion. We’re trying to slow down.
Played cards with Mr. Tillman today while nooning near Green River. I suspect he cheats.
Decided to caulk the wagon and float it across.
August 15, 1853
Passed the thousand mile mark today!
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
Had a bit of a run-in with another wagon party today near Branley Pass, but we patched up our differences before nightfall.
August 16, 1853
We’re nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We’ve decided to continue as usual.
Today I saw Emigrant Spring.
August 17, 1853
We’re nearly choking on the dust of the trail. We’ve decided to continue as usual.
August 18, 1853
The dust from other wagons has gotten bad.  We decided to continue as usual.
Got as far as West End of the Sublette Cutoff today.
August 19, 1853
The dust from other wagons has gotten bad.  We decided to continue as usual.
Today I saw Thomas Fork.
August 20, 1853
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 173 pounds of meat.
Caulk the wagon and float it across, that is the way to go.
August 21, 1853
We tipped the wagon and lost   1 winter scarf; 1 6-oz. bottle of basil; 4 5-lb. sacks of dried vegetables; 1 8-oz. bottle of Duffy’s Elixir; and various other items.
August 23, 1853
Roahm gave us a good scare by coming close to drowning. I decided to rest here awhile.
August 24, 1853
Made our way past Smith’s Trading Post Site late today. Trail could be better.
August 26, 1853
Reached Soda Springs about noon–about time!
August 27, 1853
Much grumbling today about Nick Tillman near Hudspeth Cutoff at Sheep Rock.
August 28, 1853
The animals are exhausted and can’t continue. I’ve decided to stop and rest awhile.
August 31, 1853
Terrible fog during the early part of the day. We chose to continue as usual.
The other wagons are churning up thick dust. We’re going to continue as usual.
September 1, 1853
The eternal dust of the wagons ahead of us is most troublesome. We will continue as usual.
September 2, 1853
The dust from other wagons has gotten bad.  We decided to continue as usual.
The wagon train got caught in duststorm, and I decided to continue as usual.
September 3, 1853
We stopped along the trail to hunt.  We obtained 203 pounds of meat.
September 4, 1853
Shagg died.
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Responses

  1. That tripping took a turn for the worse.

  2. A shagg = A person who tries terrible RPGs for people so they dont have to, as well as a normal LPer.


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